A Tale of Two Dorks in Love
by daisypaisy
Summary: Today is the big day. Everything is placed and planned down to the last second, and Dave Strider is scared shitless.
1. Chapter 1

- tentacleTerapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] -

TT: So, today is the big day, isn't it?

TT: She says, pretending as though you haven't been talking about this non-stop to both Jade and I for months.

TT: Strider? Are you there?

TG: yeah yeah im here dont get your knickers in a twist

TT: Oh, good. May I ask how you are feeling?

TG: how im feeling

TG: yeah id say that that's allowed considering that today has pretty much been designated as the feelings day for all unlucky enough to be alive and have a beating heart

TG: or maybe just me

TG: dave strider feelings day

TG: it's a national holiday kiddies that means you all get the day off to annoy your parents or wipe your noses on the couch or whatever else you do

TG: today is the day that dave strider completely empties his inner most feelings in a huge steaming writhing mass of dripping black ooze on the ground

TG: watch out

TG: dont get it on your shoes

TG: anyway back on topic i guess

TG: im pretty sure i had a heart attack this morning and my palms are so sweaty it could be used as enough lube to accommodate five hundred orgies

TG: woman and men alike for years to come will benefit off of my generous contribution to their fuck fests

TG: shit id deserve a medal

TG: but seriously  
TG: im not kidding im going to need a new mug my old one is now shattered on the kitchen floor

TG: brb im going to go throw up

TG: or you know i would if i could stomach any semblance of food

TG: its funny because im actually making breakfast right now

TT: Strider, you're overreacting.

TG: shut up no im not

TT: Everything is going to be fine.

TT: to quote one of your "Ironic Internet Memes,"

TT: There is no need to be upset.

TG: and heres where id usually say some shit about jimmies but i really dont think im feeling up for it

TG: jesus theres still pieces of the mug on the ground

TG: i should clean that shit

TT: Yes, probably.

TT: ...Dave?

TT: Usually I try to steer clear of anything that would lessen your resolve in this situation, you know that.

TT: But you honestly seem extremely perturbed.

TT: Are you sure this is what you want?

TG: i am

TG: i dont think ive been more sure of anything in my life

TG: i want this

TG: fuck i want this so much you dont even know

TG: i just

TG: am freaking out a little

TG: its not like thats an uncommon thing you know

TT: Right, I was just double checking.

TT: I wouldn't want you to do anything to hurt yourself or him.

TT: I care about you both you know, even when it's hard to see.

TT: I'm really proud of you, Dave.

TG: yeah yeah can we skip all that sibling love please

TG: not that im not grateful but i can really only handle a set amount of sappy in one day

TG: and i promise today is going to be fucking sap central

TG: like a mother fucking maple tree

TG: for the record i do love you though

TT: I don't doubt it.

TT: Now, let us sweep this horrendous display of affection under the rug and never speak of it again, yes?

TG: sounds like a plan.

TG: oh fuck i can hear him getting up

TG: jesus im sweating like a whore in church

TT: It'll be alright, don't worry.

TG: youd better be right about that

TT: Hope you have a good day, Strider.

-turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] –

A boy wakes up in his bedroom. Today is… well, he's not actually sure. In the summer, all the days begin to blur together and soon you don't know if it's the first or the thirty first anymore. It's the weekend, and John is just waking up, sleepily groping at the other side of the bed in search for his boyfriend/ best friend/ bromantic life partner/ palhoncho/ buttbuddy.

His name is John Egbert, and he wakes up in an empty bed. Dammit, Dave knows that he gets cold in the morning, where the fuck did he go?

John stops being angrily disoriented for long enough to notice the smell of breakfast being cooked coupled with the sound of bacon sizzling. Dave is… in the kitchen? John didn't even know that Dave knew how to work a stove let alone cook. It's… slightly troubling, and John only allows himself another couple of minutes of lazing around before he rolls out of bed, almost taking the covers with him.

Once fully clothed, John trudges into the kitchen to see Dave standing, , staring at the stove. John shake his head and smile, jumping along the tiled floor to Dave, wrapping his arms around him and giving him a small kiss on the cheek.

"You know that you don't have to stand there glaring at it the whole time, right? I think you're making it self conscious."

"Wow, sorry , sir, I didn't mean to give you stage fright, I just wanted some damn breakfast." He nudges John away, and John reacts with a smack to the back of Dave's head, making his hair stick up in all direction.

Dave serves breakfast: two eggs and some bacon, arranged into a smiley face. John eats the bacon and makes the same comment he always does about the eggs looking like a pair of boobs (this earns him a piece of Dave's bacon flying at his face).

Dave looks… A little bit on edge. There are always subtle things that tip John off to the way that Dave is actually feeling. A clenched jaw and slightly trembling fingers could be the only emotional outlet that Dave allows himself when something happens like his grandmother dying (even though Dave obviously doesn't have a grandmother)

Today, Dave was chewing his food slowly, his brow twitching and his finger rubbing up and down his fork. John could tell immediately that something was wrong, and wanted to question Dave about it, but he knew better than that. Dave was like a stray cat. If you came right up to it, it would claw your hand off and probably give you some horrible disease.

"So, are you… doing anything today?" John tries to prompt him, hoping that Dave won't be difficult with this.

Dave hesitates before replying, something that John had seen him do only once or twice in his life. Words were something that always came easily to Dave, and when he couldn't naturally just spit things out, there was definitely something wrong.

"Nah, not much. Got some bullshit errands to run today so I guess I'll be getting around to them later probably." He shrugs and continues with his breakfast. Careful John…

"Errands? What sort of errands would you be doing today? It's Saturday." He feels like he's walking on broken glass, but of course he isn't just going to let it go.

"Just regular errands man, what are you the errands police? Am I going to get arrested, officer? I've got a license, I swear!" Dave swallows a mouthful before continuing. "I mean damn, you could come with if you're so focused on them."

John laughs, shaking his head. Of course Dave wasn't going to relinquish feelings that easily, he should have known. "No way man, I don't want to go on your dumb errands with you. Can you pick me up some stuff while you're out though? We're running low on milk I think-"

"Uh, actually, I kind of need you with me, it's a bit of a two person project if you don't mind."

"…With you?" This statement de-rails John a bit; he was a self-proclaimed Dave expert, he knew everything about him from his favorite restaurant to the way he ate his ice cream sandwiches, but he hadn't been expecting that. "I don't even know where we're going and you're asking for my help? How am I supposed to know that I'm not getting kidnapped?" He jokes.

Dave shrugs, shoveling the last of his food into his mouth and swallowing. "You'll just have to trust me man." He got up, scraping his chair across the floor. There was still a stiffness to his movements. John wasn't used to Dave being like this, and honestly it was starting to scare him a little.

"What time do you want to go, then?" He prompts Dave, who hesitates before answering. "Now would be good, I guess. Once you're done we can head out."

John only nods, his head filled with confusion and curiosity.


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn't long until John found himself sitting in the car with Dave starting up the engine beside him. His curiosity hadn't been quelled. On the contrary, it has only increased as time went by with Dave refusing to give up information in his weird, backwards way like the ass he was. It was frustrating, and after many persuasion attempts had failed on the blond, John had resorted to flinging insults, hoping to somehow goad him.

Even as they pull out of the driveway, Dave keeps quiet; opting to turn up the radio so loud that John doesn't have a chance of creating conversation. It's starting to grate somewhat on John's nerves that Dave refuses to even tell him where they're going.

The two of them drive in silence for the majority of the ride; only broken by the times John tried to turn down the radio and tell Dave how fucking stupid he was being. These times usually ended with Dave threatening to kick John out, and John threatening to cut off Dave's dick if he didn't tell him what the fuck was going on.

Other than that, it isn't a bad car ride. It takes about fifteen minutes for Dave to pull over and announce that they were at their first destination. John, who had sunk down in the seat in an attempt at pouting, shoots up and looks out the window to finally find out where the hell they are.

"…An elementary school?" He asks Dave incredulously. It's a small school, and John can see kids running around in the back. It isn't big and it isn't special, and John can't come up with a single reason as to why they would be here of all places until Dave speaks up.

"You don't remember?"

This causes John's forehead to crease in concentration as he reaches into the deepest depths of his mind to try and remember something, anything, about the old school.

Suddenly John gasps, his head filled with all sorts of memories. His head flicks to Dave, surprised and confused. "This is our old school."

"This is where I met you." Dave says simply and stares out the window at the tiny school. The children look so happy and you can easily see yourself among them, running around with Dave.

The date is September first, and John Egbert is standing outside of the school doors, holding his Dad's hand. He is practically jumping up and down in excitement and can hardly control himself.

It is John's first day of kindergarten, and to him it is a pretty big deal!

John squeezes his fathers hand, and he squeezes back, looking down to give him a look that clearly says 'I'm so proud of you son.' And John is proud too! He's proud and excited and happy and scared and nervous and anxious and way more feelings that are filling him up and lifting him into the sky.

The two of them walk in together, and they meet John's teacher. He and John's dad have a chat, but John isn't listening. He is way too busy looking at all the other kids. Some are playing together, some are running, laughing, and screaming, some are reading, dressing up, and they all look really happy and friendly and great!

Before he knows it, John is being picked up by his dad and hugged. He returns the gesture with great enthusiasm, and even whispers an "I'll miss you daddy!" into his dads ear.

Soon, John is left alone to do whatever he wants! He talks to some of the kids and finds that he makes friends pretty easily with most people, they're all so great! They invite him to play tag and he does and even though he's always first to get caught and has to be it all the time, he has lots and lots of fun!

John notices one kid sitting all by himself in the corner. He's wearing a pair of weird pointy shades that John had seen on the TV once, and is playing a video game, not interacting with anyone or making any friends. John immediately feels a surge of sympathy and runs over to the boy to talk to him and try and make friends. He doesn't look too scary to John, he just looks kinda lonely!

John walks over to him and clears his throat so that the kid looks up at him (or John assumes he's looking at him, because his head tilted up, but John can't see his eyes), and extends a hand in greeting, coupled with a shining smile.

"I'm John. John Egbert!" He exclaims rather loudly. The boy just stares at him, but this doesn't deter John. He simply awaits an answer from the boy, his hand still outstretched. "Who are you?"

"I'm Batman." His voice is flat, and he has a southern accent that John wants to talk about ("Are you from Texas? Do you ride horses? Are you a cowboy? Do you know someone named Cameron Poe because he has an accent just like yours!) but he still really wants to find out this kids name and he can't get distracted!

"No you're not, that's dumb. What's your name?" This earns him some emotion on the other boys face. His eyebrows go up and his mouth goes into a slight frown, like he's thinking about something.

"…Dave." He finally relinquishes, and John practically shines with success.

"So how come you're over here all alone?"

Dave thinks about this for a couple of seconds before answering. " I'm way too cool for everyone, I scared them all off."

"Scared them?" This confuses John. "But you're not scary at all!"

Dave shakes his head, putting his game aside. "No, I'm super scary because I'm actually a ninja. They're all scared I'm gunna kill them so they stay away."

"Woah! I've heard of ninjas, they're in some of my movies! Do you go on special missions to kill important people and save the world?" John is pretty sure that's what the ninjas from his movies do.

"Of course. I'm actually a ninja in training, my bro is teaching me to kill people and soon I'm even going to kill the president." John gasps at this part, putting both of his hands on his cheeks to convey how amazed he is.

"Can you teach me to be a ninja too?" John is excited, he can't believe he's actually meeting a real life ninja! It's all way too great.

"It's a pretty big secret, I can't just go around telling everyone. You've gotta be my really good friend so I know I can trust you."

"Well okay then, lets be friends! And then you can teach me everything you know and we'll be like ninja partners and we'll eventually be better than your bro!"

Dave takes another few seconds to process this proposal before his face splits into a grin and he extends his hand that John takes without hesitation. They high-five and Dave stands up, taking John by the shoulder and leading him to his 'secret lair' (under the book shelves) where he could show John all of his cool moves, and maybe even teach him some things.

That afternoon when John's father picks him up, he is overwhelmed by all the stories John is telling him. He spent the entire day with Dave, fighting with imaginary monsters and ghosts and pulling pranks on their teacher.

John's dad can only laugh and pick his son up, telling him that he's proud that John has such amazing friends, and John answers by saying "Dave and I are going to be best friends forever."

ohn Egbert is completely astonished that Dave remembered this place, let alone drove all the way out here. He turns to Dave with an dumbfounded and confused look on his face, trying to find the motive to their small road trip. When he comes up with nothing, he questions.

"Alright, that's super great and all, I mean it's quite the trip down memory path or whatever but why are we here?"

"First, it's memory lane, John, you idiot." He pauses, looking out at the children once more. In the time it took John to flashback, the bell had rung and all of the kids are migrating indoors, surging toward the building like a sea of fish.

"And second I… just wanted you to remember, that's all." He shrugs and John can tell that he's trying to play it off as no big deal, but he sees right through it. He's not about to take that bullshit laying down.

"That's crap, Dave! Why are we here?" He demands, putting a hand on the steering wheel and leaning closer, (In an attempt) to be intimidating. Since Dave isn't driving he can use any other special moves of persuasion he's got hidden under his sleeve.

"I know you're probably really fed up with me right now, but this is sort of a surprise so I can't tell you. You'll just have to deal."

"What if I don't deal? What if I just sit on you until you tell me what you're doing?"

Dave pauses for a second before answering, a smirk on his face. "Well then, one of three things will happen. One, you squish me and I die underneath the incredible weight of your plush posterior." This earns him a slap on the shoulder, but he continues. "Two, we have sex in the car, which isn't a bad idea but we're in front of a school and if someone sees us we'll probably get arrested. Or three, you don't get your surprise."

John narrows his eyes and shoots Dave the 'Patented Egbert Glare of Doom" while removing his hand from the steering wheel.

"You know what? Never mind." John settles back into his chair and shrugs. "Take me wherever you want, just buy me some coffee first alright? I think I deserve it for going along with your dumb plan this far.

"whatever, man."


End file.
